I just realised that I have only 6lbs to lose before I have a total loss of 2 stones!
I don't think I have ever managed anything like that before. Sometimes I feel I have let myself down a bit, as the weightloss has slowed down so much in the last month, but this feels good!

So..my maths is rubbish, but I think that I have been 'on plan' (well..more like 'off and on plan') for 14 weeks. Total loss so far of 21lbs, so that is still an average of about a pound and a half a week! *chuffed!* *tries to forget fact that majority still came off in first 6 weeks!)

I read back about when I was longing to get into the 11s and how excited I was about it..now I have that feeling for the 10s! Just need to get on the right side of the 11st7 mark this Monday, and I know I'm on the way. Once I am actually in the 10s, nothing is going to stop me from hitting goal!

Goals..dreams....hopes!

Today - 11st 8lbs


Berlin, June 2008 - 10st10lbs
My 29th Birthday, August 2008 - 10stones
Lisa's wedding, November 2008 - 9st10lbs
Christmas 2008 - 9st7lbs

The holiday push starts here!

March has been pretty pathetic diet wise...I've hovered between 11st10 and 11st 8 for most of the month, and I've no-one to blame but myself - I've had 3 Domino's pizzas this month, the last of which on Saturday night I didn't even want or enjoy, and bought purely because 'come Monday the big holiday push is beginning'! Old habits..bleeurgh! Then on Sunday I had a massive dinner, with chocolate pudding and lemoncello icecream to follow. Oh I am such a gorb! But that's me back on track. I think I had a wee wobble and worried that I was going to mess up again - either gain or stall completely on the plan just exactly like I always do! I'm not letting that happen. Not this time. The blog actually came into play - I started to think about how truly awful it would feel to get to next January and to read back and realise that I hadn't lost anything and that I had wasted another year losing then gaining, losing then gaining a bit more! No way is that happening. I will get to goal. I suppose its just easy to get a bit downhearted as I know that when I started back in January, as much as I tried not to think of this grand plan where 2lbs a week fell off me, I couldn't help it, and I had visions of being at my goal weight for the first week in June. I've got 22lbs to go, so that's not going to happen now! But I can still do it for my birthday, and hey, if I don't, I will certainly do it for Christmas. I'll have a slim Christmas this year, and I'll be picking the funkiest outfit ever to wear on the big day! Whatever else happens, in 2008 I am going to get to goal. It just feels so hard sometimes- life gets in the way! I was out with some old uni friends on Friday, and I abandoned plan completely, but it felt fantastic to eat and drink what I wanted and not what I was supposed to. I had pints of cider, vegetable nachos with loads of cheese, and a massive chocolate cookie! Oh and a wee bottle of Corona with a lime sticking out the top at home - the taste of summer! Surely its on the way..Spring at least! But..umm..yeah...I don't feel too bad about the weekend, because I didn't actually gain, I had been good Monday to Thursday, and that felt great, as made me feel that when I get to goal there will still be times when I can do that kind of thing, go out with friends and not think about the diet. It'll just be an occasional thing, not something that has to happen every week! I think its also starting to feel like the year is running away. I know its only April, but I also know that once I go on summer holiday in June, which is under 8 weeks away, time will really fly and before I know it my birthday will arrive, and after that its practically winter again and everyone starts looking forwards to Christmas! I mean it doesn't really seem that long since I spent the everlasting day at Gatwick, waiting to fly out to Italy with everyone. It felt so good to get on holiday again, such a shame Gran wasn't really well for so much of it. But yeah..that day in Gatwick felt so summery, even though the Scottish weather meant that we didn't get much sun at all I still had a sense of a definite brighter season! And my point is that it doesn't seem that long ago! Here's another thing..we have a girl's Christmas dinner every year, in the week between Christmas and New Year. Its always great. (food wasn't so good this year though - wee Turkish place, fab starters, rubbish main course!) Anyway..we had a wee moment to say what we wanted to achieve this year. Its always a weird feeling, when you have a whole new block of time in front of you, and you can kind of write off the mistakes of the past, as you're starting afresh. I said I wanted to lose 3 stones. Everyone laughed..I don't think for a second that anyone imagines I will lose 3 stones. But I will. This years dinner, I'll sit there and be all skinny and may even have lost 3 and a half stones!
Right...enough..I must do some work!

Gaaaaah, I have neglected the blog for ages!
Not that anyone is actually reading it...I am thinking now of switching this over onto maybe the multiply sites, as that seems to be where the other 3+ bloggers all hang out! And it would be nice to feel part of a weight loss community! But still..the real point of the blog is just for me, to track how far I come and to look back at come this Christmas, hopefully with a real sense of achievement.
So..can't remember if I posted this already, but holiday is now booked!
We are off to Berlin on the 4th of June for a week, and I really can't wait. Its going to be fantastic. Just trying hard to set a goal weight for the week. I know that I would like it to be 10st 7lbs, which is just over a stone, but I'm still wary of setting that goal, as when I'm working on a target more than half a stone away, I seem to be a bit rubbish! Soo..next goal is 11st. I weighed in yesterday at 11st8, which was just fantastic, as it brought me into the healthy BMI range! Woop! Saying that, I ate like a demon all weekend and all yesterday, so I do know that had I weighed in this morning, I probably would have been a couple of pounds heavier! For once I didn't bounce straight onto the scale - I don't want to see the damage that has been done! My plan is to stick absolutely to plan all week and all through the weekend, and then hopefully I will either get an STS or a loss. My goal was to get to 11st7lb for Easter, I then revised that to by the end of March, so if I could get a wee pound off this week it would be really fab. Then goal after that is 11st. Not sure yet when I am aiming to get there for. Certainly by the end of April.

It dawned on me this weekend that I am now halfway through my weight loss journey - one and a half stones off, one and a half to go. It hasn't been so difficult, not really. I've managed a few takeaways and nights out, I've never had a week without a glass or two of wine. Its proven to me that I can live like this, and that I will keep the weight off this time. I'm now the lightest I've been since around Christmas 2004 - can't believe 4 years have gone past of me being unhappy with my body - but really, who am I kidding, I don't know when I have ever been happy with my body. I hated it at camp, but all I am hoping for just now is to comfortably fit into the shorts I wore then! I hated it at uni, but if I ever get into my grey flares again I will feel tiny! And maybe this time I will be happy with myself. Maybe I'll believe I'm not fat! This is a dangerous time for me really, as I'm heading into weights and clothes sizes that I have not been comfortable in for so long, there is a temptation to say 'OK, that's me, I am a natural size 14 and a size 14 I will stay. But no..I want to be a 10, I really, really want to be a 10! I can't help it. I want to be able to buy all the clothes that I see and like, without worrying about looking stupid in them, or not fitting into them. I want to look good in my riding clothes..so many wee things!
Well..just about to have lunch, so will leave it there.
Oh..one last thing..seriously contemplating joining the gym. I never thought gyms were for me, I mocked them and said I could get as much excercise as I needed walking, cycling and riding! But I'm really feeling now that I would enjoy the routine, and more so, I would enjoy the pool and spa! So thinking about it..very expensive though!

Well, as of Monday WI, I was IN THE 11s!!!
My loss is slowing down a wee bit now, but I have promised myself that never, ever again will I step on a scale and see 12 anything. Its downwards from here, all the way! And that actually helps me a lot..even if this takes longer than I might want it to, even if I don't lose 2lbs every single week, I never going back. I will never be in the 12s again, let alone in the 13s. I've set a target of being 11st 7 for Easter Sunday, when we are going to visit Paul's parent's for dinner, and will aim hard for that (5.5lbs in three weeks, so at top end of possible loss), but if I don't make it, then the target is to be there for the WI the week after. So no matter what, by the end of March I am going to weigh 11st7 or just under. I AM!!!

Got my first pair of size 14 jeans at the weekend!
I felt really fantastic when I tried them on. I know that a lot of it is down to them being a lovely soft, quite stretchy material, and being a flattering cut, but they are still a size 14, and I cannot remember the last pair of size 14 trousers that I bought! But I can certainly remember buying size 16s and them still not fitting!

We have now booked a weeks holiday in Berlin in early June, and I haven't picked a target weight for then yet..will wait to a little closer to the time, and then set that mini goal. I love the thought of going on holiday with all nice new clothes, and being able to go shopping over there for new stuff! And just feeling confident..getting photos taken and feeling good in them!

Ate over points on Monday, but trying to claw it back, and my SP this morning had me at just under 11st 12lbs, so the weight does seem to be coming off. To keep on target for my Easter goal, I'd like to be 11st10 on Monday (this would also be my 10%) so am planning to get in plenty excercise and really try to rein myself in over the weekend! But to get there is a 2.5lb loss, so we'll see! If I even just get 2lbs off I will be chuffed!

Not been such a good week. I didn't stick to the diet very well over last weekend, but to be honest, I still expected a wee loss, and to be able to proclaim that I am 'in the 11s'. But no...the scales on Monday morning actually showed a half pound gain. It killed me upping my stats on the WW board, and ruining my nice line of losses on my charts. I've been completely 'on plan' so far this week, and jumped on the scales yesterday morning to see that I was showing at 12st1! This really hurt my confidence in the whole diet, I just couldn't understand it, and it reminded me how destructive these sneaky peeks can be. They've only worked well for me so far because they have always shown a loss that stayed! But me being me, I got on again this morning and was into the 11s! But I was there last week too, so am staying very focused and hoping for a 2lb loss this week. A dream loss would be 3.5, as this would take me to my 10%, but I don't really expect that.

Pschologically, I just can't wait to be in the 11s. I just read back on my blog, and made myeslf remember that I have already lost a whole stone, and that this is a great achievement, regardless of the fact that I have another two to go. I just really feel that I can get down through the 11s quite quickly if I can just get into them properly! I'll feel so motivated.

I was going to try the Wendie plan this week, but decided I would have a week of really sticking to normal points first, and if that didn't work then try Wendie. So I could still be doing it this time next week if I don't see a good result on the scales.
Hoping to get our summer holiday booked this weekend - a real incentive to lose the weight! I am already nearly at the weight I got to for July last year, which just shows that this really works if I just give it a proper go. Can't wait to buy new clothes. Someone on WW posted that their big dream was to buy Topshop size 10 jeans and vest! Don't think that's going to happen for me, not the jeans anyway! I've accepted my shape now, and I'm always going to have big hips! But do plan to get back to a 10 for tops, and to do it asap! If I go to Italy with Mum in September then I want to be able to buy myself lots of lovely summer skirts and dresses!

I woke up this morning and felt 'light'! I know, weird, but I rushed off down to the scales (I can't help it, I admit it, I am on the scales every morning!) and I WAS IN THE 11s!!! Can't believe it. Felt amazing. I do know that these little peeks on the scales can lie, but I have been doing this every day since about the middle of week 2, and generally the loss has stayed. But even if it doesn't, just seeing that weight was so fantastic and made me believe that this time the diet really is working.

Annoyingly its a week til payday and I am overdrawn, with a friend's birthday at the weekend! But have a dress to return to Miss Selfridge tonight, so that will tide me over. Ashamed to admit that while the diet is going well, I haven't quite sorted out the finances and general day to day organisation! But I don't feel too bad about that...one thing at a time, and I know that losing the weight will lift my confidence and help me get other things sorted out too.

It is almost seeming too easy..like this is all going to come crashing down, and I'll have a big gain, or I'll get stuck on a weight or something. But I know that this time I am tracking points properly and I am even getting a bit of excersize. NO reason why it should stop! I am almost scared that it is happening, as much as I am pleased it is happening. If I get slim then I'm not the same person almost...the worries that I've had for the last 5 years will be gone. What will I do then! What if I'm still not happy with myself? Can't think like that...this time when I get slim I will trust the scales and the size in my clothes and will understand that I am not fat and will endeavour to be happy with my body!

I should feel great, but I feel awful!
3lbs off this morning (and actually, the scale flickered in the 11s before settling on 12stones!!)
But I have a horrible, sickly migraine, triggered by alcohol again this time (been nearly 6 months since that last happened) It started slowly, but by noon yesterday I was throwing up, and by evening I was shaking on the sofa and having to practically crawl upstairs. Hardly slept last night, and my head is still pounding, and the sick feeling is there in my stomach so I am scared to eat, and don't really have any appetite anyway. Annoying, as this is just the kind of thing that I can see messing my diet up, as soon as I start eating again I'll see a gain and it will put me off my stride!

But yeah..I genuinely am feeling lighter and slimmer, and I know that other people don't really notice it yet, as I'm quite tall, but I know I have lost inches as well as weight. My size 16 trousers are hanging off me, and I don't think I'm quite a 14 yet, but I am well on the way. Considering I was busting out of a 16 just at Christmas, its a big change. This is around the time when I have always slipped up before, as now that I am feeling a bit better about myself I get lax. Think I look OK, and start giving myself more treats. This time though, I think that there is a genuine change in my attitude, and I am beginning to stop viewing food as something that is essential to having a good time. Last Saturday I bought a bag of chip shop chips when waiting for my taxi home from town, and they were horrible, so I didn't eat them. I know that in December I'd have finished the bag regardless of what they tasted like, so that was a real victory for me. When I think now about going to the canteen and buying a pastie, bag of crisps and bar of chocolate for lunch, I feel bad, not good! I think what a waste, and why would I want to eat that rubbish when it is just going to make me feel bad the second I finish it. Also, this Friday I cooked a pizza that I KNEW I didn't want or need, but I had promised myself this pizza, and was determined to have it. Managed two slices, this is sooo unlike me! Am I really changing my eating habits? It feels like it. And I know that I want to stick with this diet, because I want to be buying all the nice summer clothes that were close last year, but that I let slip away!

Next main goals are to get my 10% , which is 11st11lbs, so only 3lbs away - def doable in two weeks, if not one. And to get to 11st7, which will give me a BMI of 25 and mean that I am actually in the healthy weight zone again!

I've joined a challenge on the 3+ WW board, that asks us to focus on water and excersize - def the areas of my life that are not yet properly WW compliant! Water won't be too difficult, but excersize will be. My only excersize comes from walking the dog and riding the horse! Think I will buy one of those little trampolines and try to get on it for at least 15 minutes a day!

So..another week starts...wonder if I will be able to confidently post that I am in the 11s next week! Do hope so! But if not, then I'll get there the week after. Just need to really stick to it this time! Being in the 11s is a big psychological thing for me, as I am only one stone band above getting back to my average weight when I was around 22, which was anything between 10st and 10st10. I just can't wait to be able to go shopping for trousers and tops and be able to fit into the ones I want! Promised myself a pair of beige flared cords and gorgeous strappy vest when I hit goal!

Argh! Feeling annoyed with myself that I have ignored the blog for a fortnight! The good news is that its not because I have been 'off plan'...I just haven't had the chance! I kind of feel that even though I started the blog to be about my whole life, its helping me more to treat it as just one to document my weightloss. I'm still trying with the other stuff, but my main focus in life just now is getting rid of this weight. I was thinking today about how good it is going to feel when I am back to the weight I was when I started uni, when I could go buy any pair of size 12 trousers and know that they would fit. There are dreams in my head of hitting a size 10, but I don't know about that. I'm not petite or fine boned, I have big hips and always will, and I think finally I am starting to accept my bodyshape. My target weight is set at 10stones, but once I get there I will reassess where I am and see if I think its worth pushing on for 9st 7lbs. I keep remembering that at one time I was deeply unhappy being 10st7, but I gained nearly another 3stones on top of that. I just don't know now if I have ever in my life had a true image of my body, and the only thing that scares me is that I get to this target weight and still feel unhappy. I really hope that doesn't happen.


Anyway..I am now officially down to 12st3lbs, and am hoping, hoping, hoping, to get my first stone off and be 12st1 on Monday, and into the 11s the Monday after that. I know its quite a big ask, but I feel that I can achieve it. I'm still motivated, and I have lost a lot of my cravings for things like chip shop chips and even my beloved pizzas. Its like its finally hit me that these things are just holding me back from what I want. I had a Dominos pizza the other week, and it was delicious, but I am out of that routine of having to have one every Friday, I want to get to a place where they are a yummy treat just when I feel like them. I am also learning how to have a fun night in without needing to buy two packs of Kettle Chips, a tub of houmous and a bag of jam doughnuts! I was eating way too much before, and am enjoying our 'cinema evenings' just as much with popcorn and cava as I was with Ben & Jerrys and mountains of crisps!

Me and my menagerie!

First off, the horsey stuff! The pony in my signature photo, Boo, is not actually mine, she belongs to a friend, but she is probably my favourite pony in the whole world. Boo is special, and gave me my confidence back when it was at its lowest. Right now I have a kind of share agreement on a gorgeous horse called Maguire, a 16.2hh IDxTB. His owner has two horses, and Mags had been semi retired (though only 12) after being diagnosed with arthritis of the fetlocks. His lovely owner lets me treat him almost like my own (though of course he is still her baby!) and I am trying to get him fit again with the big aim of competing in maybe a Tack and Turnout or Riding Club horse class at a summer show. Check out that fuzzy forelock!! lol!

I also have a gorgeous, gorgeous puppy called Rufus. He is a miniature schnauzer and really is my baby, he's 6 months old. I haven't got any photos of him right now, as am on my work computer, but shall post some!

Then there's Freya the cat! She was a stray who we took in, and is the sweetest, most feisty girl ever!

And last but not least, my ratties! The girls, Caramel, Ruby and Molly, and the boys George and Huxley. The boys were rescues from a lab at Stirling University - it was closing down and all the animals were being destroyed. So glad we got them out of their little prisons - tiny cages where they couldn't even stand up properly! They are very lazy and nowhere near as agile and active as the girls, but they are happy chappies!

Had a weird WI yesterday - I had jumped on the scales on Sunday morning and was 12st6, but on Monday morning the scales weren't playing and had me at 12st8, 12st7 and 12st2 respectively!! So went with the highest figure, which was still a loss, but I was a bit dissappointed. The good people of the WW 3+ board managed to cheer me up, and last night and this morning I jumped on the scales and was 12st6 again, so think it must have been some kind of weird glitch with either my body or the scales! Not changing any of my stats, as I think WI day has to be sacrosanct! It means I'm hoping for a good 2-3lb loss again next Monday. I bought a stack of WW chilled ready meals. They're not the best to be honest (think I am one of those people who would rather have a small portion of the fatty stuff than a big portion of the low fat stuff!) but are so low in points and easy to do for dinner that eating this week should be a breeze.

Also, I got my first comment on this blog! Thank you Karaoke Queen! It is so good to feel that we can all find out a little bit more about each other and give support through the blogs as well as the message board. Karaoke Queen was asking about my animals, now, I don't need any excuse to hold forth on my babies, so I'll just do a picture post!

It’s been a good week so far! Always scared that I jinx the weekend, or get too laxadaisical if I do this, but I hopped on the scales this morning and they showed me at slightly under 12st 7lbs! Squeeeeeeeeee!!! That is 2lbs off since Thursday, which seems an awful lot. I am totally prepared for it to go up again by Monday, but oh, just imagine how good it would be if it kept coming down! If I got another 3lb week! I don’t know if this is completely psychosomatic, but when I look in the mirror I actually do feel slimmer already. It might be mind over matter – I think that I look better because right now I am feeling much more positive and believing that this time I am actually going to stick to the diet right through till I get to the weight I want to be. I think that in the last few years of my yoyo dieting, I haven’t gotten under 11st7. Considering I used to hit the diet when I got up to 10st 7 its not so good. I keep thinking ‘when will I be able to wear size 14 trousers again, but I have to remember that even when I was 10 and a half stones I was often into a 14! Don’t think any diet in the world is going to stop me being pear shaped! January is nearly over already, just one more WI this month. How good it would be to say that I lost 9lbs this month! I know, I am getting carried away with myself, and it is always when I get most confident that I come crashing down! But truly, I have been sticking to points with no wee treats, and I suppose this is how it works..it really does work if you stick to it!

Another 3lbs off!

Weigh in day again! Was a fast week this one! Well, don’t know how I managed to get away with it, given the amount of rubbish that I shoved down my throat at the weekend, but that’s another 3lbs off, taking me down to 12st 9lbs, and just 2lbs off my target of 12st7 which I had given myself until Valentine’s to achieve. I need, need, need, to be really good this week, as I’m sure that given the slightest opportunity the treats from the weekend will show up in next weeks WI! Trying not to get too excited, but it looks possible that I could achieve 12st7lbs next Monday. That would be amazing, and a loss of 8lbs in just three weeks. IF I do it! I did have a bit of an excuse this weekend, it was Paul’s birthday, and we really did have one of the best weekends in a long, long time. DVD, Cava and popcorn on Friday! (Deathproof, incredibly self indulgent Tarantino film, think his star may be on the wane, it has nothing on the likes of Kill Bill or Pulp Fiction. But it was amusing enough to sit and munch popcorn too! The whole house smelled of the cinema! Went shopping during the day on Saturday to pick up Paul’s presents, then changed and out to dinner at the Chippy Down the Lane! Gorgeous place, but really disappointing veggie option of gunky spring rolls, deep fried! Chips were fab though, as was the wine, followed by a massive frozen Margarita in TGIs and then Sweeney Todd at the cinema (with ice cream, pick and mix and smuggled in vodka! Bit hungover on the Sunday, but still a good day, lunch with Paul’s parents in the Kirkie puffer and cava and cake at home, before Paul went out for a couple of hours and I chilled out before he returned and we had a music quiz! No housework done though! Need to get stuck in again this evening. But yeah…really,really did enjoy the weekend. Think we need to do something like that at least once a month. If the diet can handle it that is! We shall see! Just heading off to lunch in a minute, need to decide between a baked potato and one of those Scottish slimmers sandwiches which are a bit rubbish, but filling! No idea what to have for dinner this evening…. Think maybe some Quorn sausages, but not sure what with! In fact def quorn sausages, can probably have three for hardly any points! Maybe do a hot pot, mm!

Gah! Work has been so (unususally) busy this week that I haven’t had a chance to update the blog with the results of my first WI! Well, I managed to get down to 12st 12lbs, which was a drop of 3lbs. I’d ordinarily be pretty chuffed with this, but annoyingly, I had succumned to a ‘sneak peek’ at the scales on Saturday morning, which had me in lighter than this, and so I was expecting a bit more. But in general I’m pleased. A loss is a loss, and WW only tell you to expect 1-2lbs a week, so by any standards, 3lbs is good. Means I drop down into ‘the 12s’ (thank goodness, hated being 13 stones!) The first mini goal that I set myself was to get to 12st 7, and I was hoping to do this by Valentines Day. That was me giving myself plenty of time, I’m really hoping now to lose 4lbs over the next couple of weeks and hit 12st 7 around the start of Feb. Part of me wants to plan out what all my next targets will be, but the rest of me just wants to aim for 12st 7 and then take stock again. I think that’s the best way. In an absolutely ideal world, I would be at goal weight of 10stones (or possibly a bit under) by my birthday at the end of August I keep thinking that I would actually like to get to 9stones, but that seems so light. I think I’ll wait to see how I look and feel at 10 first. I keep thinking back to when I was last at that weight, and it was when I met Martin, and although I was quite comfortable with my body then, I certainly didn’t feel skinny! But it’ll be different this time, I’m in a totally different place, and not with someone who will tell me I’m fat just to make himself feel a bit more ‘in control’. Or whatever it was for him!

Anyway, my big worry this week is Paul’s birthday, I know its going to be hard not to eat, drink and be merry with him. And I’ve got nights out the next two weekends in a row, both without him, annoyingly! My poor boy! But the hardest thing is going to be keeping within points at these nights out. Just have to be strong and alternate drinks with water. And read this before I go out. The feeling of seeing the display on the scales drop is way better than the feeling of going out drinking and eating . (it just doesn’t feel like that in the euphoria that follows two large glasses of wine and half a dozen vodkas!

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
So close to getting on the scales this morning to see if there was any difference!
Must be strong...tis a no win situation - if I look and have lost weight, I will relax and start succumbing to foodie temptation. If I have gained or not lost at all, I will be so distraught that I will comfort eat!

Off to school Maguire tonight, hoping to start some trot work which will probably have both of us getting into that raised heartbeat zone!

Monday can't come soon enough...I am desperate to get online and adjust my weight stats (please, please, let me be adjusting them downwards!) I do have a fear that I ate so much at Christmas that I am still going to gain weight this week even though I really have been very good! I keep thinking of going on holiday this year and feeling confident on the beach! I actually felt OK last year, as I did lose a good chunk of weight before we went, but its all back on. Bah!

Some more on resolution number 1..lose the 3 stones that are making me feel fat and miserable!
I set out to do this last year. I think I lost the same stone and a bit about 3 times. I ended up the exact same weight this January as I was last January. I start really well, and then I have a week where I binge a bit and still lose weight..then I think 'ooh, I can do that again', and of course it never works twice. I put weight on, or have a 'stay the same' week. I get angry and bored and think 'well if its not working then I may as well eat what I like'. And there you go. I started the online weightwatchers plan again on Monday the 7th of January. I weigh 13stones and 1lb. My first weigh in is going to be next Monday. I can't wait. I'm trying to be really strict with myself and to really follow the diet (as much as I can, its actually not a set diet plan, but a 'points' regime where you have an allocation of points each day and choose how to fill it.)

There are some photos of me this Christmas that I'm going to put up here, (the equivalent of the fat picture on the fridge door!) and then I think I'll have one taken in the same outfit every month. It might help me see a difference.

So..13stone 1lb...first mini goal is to be 12stone 7lbs for Valentines Day. Last year I planned on losing 2lb a week and just ended up dissappointed. This time I'm giving myself more achievable targets. Roll on Monday!

How do you write a first post without sounding utterly trite and cheesy? Its fine with some of the novelty blogs that I was just browsing through, and all the uber cool people who are so edgy that whatever they type sounds laidback and fresh and original! Can I really start my first post with 'These are my aims for 2008'? Eeek! But..erm..yeah. That's the point of this whole thing. I want somewhere to get all my muddled thoughts laid out and organised, firstly because I'll forget them if I don't, secondly because once they are down here they are 'more real' and thirdly, like I said in the other section, I do want to be able to come back to this next year and see what I have achieved. I think the fear of looking back in a year's time and not having really established these changes in my life will spur me on. I don't want to be back here saying 'ah well, I messed up in 2008, but there's always 2009. This has to be my year. I'll be 29 this year. I don't want to turn 30 and still be such a dizzy, unorganised oaf! And I certainly don't want to be fat, spending another year feeling like a carthorse!

So...here are my New Year Resolutions..if you can call them that.

1. Lose 3 stones. I know, how painfully cliche. But I do need to lose this weight. I have lost so much confidence since putting this weight on. I was so self conscious at this year's Christmas parties, I didn't want to get up and dance and that is just not me. I felt the ugliest out of all my friends, who seem to be improving and growing into their selves as we grow up, while I feel like I peaked at 21 and have gone downhill all the way since! So..I have started Weightwatchers (again) with a vengeance this time, and I think a lot of this blog is going to be about the diet. Its the centre of everything. If I feel good about how I look other things will change too. I know it.

2. NO more debt, and make significant inroads into paying off my credit card balance. Its so big that I can't even write it here! Or can I? The whole point of this year and this blog is to get honest with myself. Right. Its just under £6k. And I have a personal loan as well, but not so bothered about that, as its fixed and I know when it will be gone. My Mum has custody of my credit card, so just need to rip up the cheques that the hateful bank have sent to me. Every time I reach my credit card limit they up it by at least a grand. They want me in hock to them for the rest of my life. Well its not happening.

3. Keep a tidy, clean house. I know, I know. A clean house is a wasted life..spend time having fun, not tidying up. Well, I have been, and its made me miserable. Getting up in the morning knowing you have no fresh clothes ready for work. Eating stodgy takeaway AGAIN because you are too lazy to cook. Going into an utterly wasted junkyard of a spare room. It all depresses me. I spend forever cleaning up and it never really works because I have no routine. So this month, January, is for getting sorted out. I'm skint anyway, so may as well stay in and get the place in order. And lets see if I can keep it that way.

4. Ride Mags at least twice a week and get us both working nicely in walk, trot and canter. Mags is the horse that I get to help out with. His owner has two horses and Mags was semi retired before I came along. He's not fit, and I've had a tough time getting to know him, but this year I want us to really make some progress. By this time next year I want to feel a much better rider, and I want Mags to be muscly and fit.

5. Be organised with my money. Need I say anymore?! I am the Queen of bank charges.

6. Make more of an effort to keep in proper contact with my friends, especially with Leanne and Lisa. And just as much with the girls who are close by. I know I'd need them if something went wrong...I just feel that its getting harder for me to find common ground with some of them. I have nothing to contribute to some of their conversations, and I don't know if its because I am not interested, or because I haven't made the effort to know what is happening in their lives.

7. Make sure that Paul and I go on holiday this summer. Its been too long. We need a break in a totally different environment to really chill out and recharge our batteries.


So that's it...reading them all makes it hit home how completely run of the mill and ordinary they sound. But these are the things that would make big changes in my life. Writing them down has made me feel positive, and kind of raring to go with the whole year. I don't want to wish it away, but I know it will go so quickly, and I am already thinking how good it will be if I can just come back and mark off each of these and say 'I did that'. Fingers crossed.
xxx