Not been such a good week. I didn't stick to the diet very well over last weekend, but to be honest, I still expected a wee loss, and to be able to proclaim that I am 'in the 11s'. But no...the scales on Monday morning actually showed a half pound gain. It killed me upping my stats on the WW board, and ruining my nice line of losses on my charts. I've been completely 'on plan' so far this week, and jumped on the scales yesterday morning to see that I was showing at 12st1! This really hurt my confidence in the whole diet, I just couldn't understand it, and it reminded me how destructive these sneaky peeks can be. They've only worked well for me so far because they have always shown a loss that stayed! But me being me, I got on again this morning and was into the 11s! But I was there last week too, so am staying very focused and hoping for a 2lb loss this week. A dream loss would be 3.5, as this would take me to my 10%, but I don't really expect that.

Pschologically, I just can't wait to be in the 11s. I just read back on my blog, and made myeslf remember that I have already lost a whole stone, and that this is a great achievement, regardless of the fact that I have another two to go. I just really feel that I can get down through the 11s quite quickly if I can just get into them properly! I'll feel so motivated.

I was going to try the Wendie plan this week, but decided I would have a week of really sticking to normal points first, and if that didn't work then try Wendie. So I could still be doing it this time next week if I don't see a good result on the scales.
Hoping to get our summer holiday booked this weekend - a real incentive to lose the weight! I am already nearly at the weight I got to for July last year, which just shows that this really works if I just give it a proper go. Can't wait to buy new clothes. Someone on WW posted that their big dream was to buy Topshop size 10 jeans and vest! Don't think that's going to happen for me, not the jeans anyway! I've accepted my shape now, and I'm always going to have big hips! But do plan to get back to a 10 for tops, and to do it asap! If I go to Italy with Mum in September then I want to be able to buy myself lots of lovely summer skirts and dresses!

I woke up this morning and felt 'light'! I know, weird, but I rushed off down to the scales (I can't help it, I admit it, I am on the scales every morning!) and I WAS IN THE 11s!!! Can't believe it. Felt amazing. I do know that these little peeks on the scales can lie, but I have been doing this every day since about the middle of week 2, and generally the loss has stayed. But even if it doesn't, just seeing that weight was so fantastic and made me believe that this time the diet really is working.

Annoyingly its a week til payday and I am overdrawn, with a friend's birthday at the weekend! But have a dress to return to Miss Selfridge tonight, so that will tide me over. Ashamed to admit that while the diet is going well, I haven't quite sorted out the finances and general day to day organisation! But I don't feel too bad about that...one thing at a time, and I know that losing the weight will lift my confidence and help me get other things sorted out too.

It is almost seeming too easy..like this is all going to come crashing down, and I'll have a big gain, or I'll get stuck on a weight or something. But I know that this time I am tracking points properly and I am even getting a bit of excersize. NO reason why it should stop! I am almost scared that it is happening, as much as I am pleased it is happening. If I get slim then I'm not the same person almost...the worries that I've had for the last 5 years will be gone. What will I do then! What if I'm still not happy with myself? Can't think like that...this time when I get slim I will trust the scales and the size in my clothes and will understand that I am not fat and will endeavour to be happy with my body!

I should feel great, but I feel awful!
3lbs off this morning (and actually, the scale flickered in the 11s before settling on 12stones!!)
But I have a horrible, sickly migraine, triggered by alcohol again this time (been nearly 6 months since that last happened) It started slowly, but by noon yesterday I was throwing up, and by evening I was shaking on the sofa and having to practically crawl upstairs. Hardly slept last night, and my head is still pounding, and the sick feeling is there in my stomach so I am scared to eat, and don't really have any appetite anyway. Annoying, as this is just the kind of thing that I can see messing my diet up, as soon as I start eating again I'll see a gain and it will put me off my stride!

But yeah..I genuinely am feeling lighter and slimmer, and I know that other people don't really notice it yet, as I'm quite tall, but I know I have lost inches as well as weight. My size 16 trousers are hanging off me, and I don't think I'm quite a 14 yet, but I am well on the way. Considering I was busting out of a 16 just at Christmas, its a big change. This is around the time when I have always slipped up before, as now that I am feeling a bit better about myself I get lax. Think I look OK, and start giving myself more treats. This time though, I think that there is a genuine change in my attitude, and I am beginning to stop viewing food as something that is essential to having a good time. Last Saturday I bought a bag of chip shop chips when waiting for my taxi home from town, and they were horrible, so I didn't eat them. I know that in December I'd have finished the bag regardless of what they tasted like, so that was a real victory for me. When I think now about going to the canteen and buying a pastie, bag of crisps and bar of chocolate for lunch, I feel bad, not good! I think what a waste, and why would I want to eat that rubbish when it is just going to make me feel bad the second I finish it. Also, this Friday I cooked a pizza that I KNEW I didn't want or need, but I had promised myself this pizza, and was determined to have it. Managed two slices, this is sooo unlike me! Am I really changing my eating habits? It feels like it. And I know that I want to stick with this diet, because I want to be buying all the nice summer clothes that were close last year, but that I let slip away!

Next main goals are to get my 10% , which is 11st11lbs, so only 3lbs away - def doable in two weeks, if not one. And to get to 11st7, which will give me a BMI of 25 and mean that I am actually in the healthy weight zone again!

I've joined a challenge on the 3+ WW board, that asks us to focus on water and excersize - def the areas of my life that are not yet properly WW compliant! Water won't be too difficult, but excersize will be. My only excersize comes from walking the dog and riding the horse! Think I will buy one of those little trampolines and try to get on it for at least 15 minutes a day!

So..another week starts...wonder if I will be able to confidently post that I am in the 11s next week! Do hope so! But if not, then I'll get there the week after. Just need to really stick to it this time! Being in the 11s is a big psychological thing for me, as I am only one stone band above getting back to my average weight when I was around 22, which was anything between 10st and 10st10. I just can't wait to be able to go shopping for trousers and tops and be able to fit into the ones I want! Promised myself a pair of beige flared cords and gorgeous strappy vest when I hit goal!

Argh! Feeling annoyed with myself that I have ignored the blog for a fortnight! The good news is that its not because I have been 'off plan'...I just haven't had the chance! I kind of feel that even though I started the blog to be about my whole life, its helping me more to treat it as just one to document my weightloss. I'm still trying with the other stuff, but my main focus in life just now is getting rid of this weight. I was thinking today about how good it is going to feel when I am back to the weight I was when I started uni, when I could go buy any pair of size 12 trousers and know that they would fit. There are dreams in my head of hitting a size 10, but I don't know about that. I'm not petite or fine boned, I have big hips and always will, and I think finally I am starting to accept my bodyshape. My target weight is set at 10stones, but once I get there I will reassess where I am and see if I think its worth pushing on for 9st 7lbs. I keep remembering that at one time I was deeply unhappy being 10st7, but I gained nearly another 3stones on top of that. I just don't know now if I have ever in my life had a true image of my body, and the only thing that scares me is that I get to this target weight and still feel unhappy. I really hope that doesn't happen.


Anyway..I am now officially down to 12st3lbs, and am hoping, hoping, hoping, to get my first stone off and be 12st1 on Monday, and into the 11s the Monday after that. I know its quite a big ask, but I feel that I can achieve it. I'm still motivated, and I have lost a lot of my cravings for things like chip shop chips and even my beloved pizzas. Its like its finally hit me that these things are just holding me back from what I want. I had a Dominos pizza the other week, and it was delicious, but I am out of that routine of having to have one every Friday, I want to get to a place where they are a yummy treat just when I feel like them. I am also learning how to have a fun night in without needing to buy two packs of Kettle Chips, a tub of houmous and a bag of jam doughnuts! I was eating way too much before, and am enjoying our 'cinema evenings' just as much with popcorn and cava as I was with Ben & Jerrys and mountains of crisps!