Me and my menagerie!

First off, the horsey stuff! The pony in my signature photo, Boo, is not actually mine, she belongs to a friend, but she is probably my favourite pony in the whole world. Boo is special, and gave me my confidence back when it was at its lowest. Right now I have a kind of share agreement on a gorgeous horse called Maguire, a 16.2hh IDxTB. His owner has two horses, and Mags had been semi retired (though only 12) after being diagnosed with arthritis of the fetlocks. His lovely owner lets me treat him almost like my own (though of course he is still her baby!) and I am trying to get him fit again with the big aim of competing in maybe a Tack and Turnout or Riding Club horse class at a summer show. Check out that fuzzy forelock!! lol!

I also have a gorgeous, gorgeous puppy called Rufus. He is a miniature schnauzer and really is my baby, he's 6 months old. I haven't got any photos of him right now, as am on my work computer, but shall post some!

Then there's Freya the cat! She was a stray who we took in, and is the sweetest, most feisty girl ever!

And last but not least, my ratties! The girls, Caramel, Ruby and Molly, and the boys George and Huxley. The boys were rescues from a lab at Stirling University - it was closing down and all the animals were being destroyed. So glad we got them out of their little prisons - tiny cages where they couldn't even stand up properly! They are very lazy and nowhere near as agile and active as the girls, but they are happy chappies!

Had a weird WI yesterday - I had jumped on the scales on Sunday morning and was 12st6, but on Monday morning the scales weren't playing and had me at 12st8, 12st7 and 12st2 respectively!! So went with the highest figure, which was still a loss, but I was a bit dissappointed. The good people of the WW 3+ board managed to cheer me up, and last night and this morning I jumped on the scales and was 12st6 again, so think it must have been some kind of weird glitch with either my body or the scales! Not changing any of my stats, as I think WI day has to be sacrosanct! It means I'm hoping for a good 2-3lb loss again next Monday. I bought a stack of WW chilled ready meals. They're not the best to be honest (think I am one of those people who would rather have a small portion of the fatty stuff than a big portion of the low fat stuff!) but are so low in points and easy to do for dinner that eating this week should be a breeze.

Also, I got my first comment on this blog! Thank you Karaoke Queen! It is so good to feel that we can all find out a little bit more about each other and give support through the blogs as well as the message board. Karaoke Queen was asking about my animals, now, I don't need any excuse to hold forth on my babies, so I'll just do a picture post!

It’s been a good week so far! Always scared that I jinx the weekend, or get too laxadaisical if I do this, but I hopped on the scales this morning and they showed me at slightly under 12st 7lbs! Squeeeeeeeeee!!! That is 2lbs off since Thursday, which seems an awful lot. I am totally prepared for it to go up again by Monday, but oh, just imagine how good it would be if it kept coming down! If I got another 3lb week! I don’t know if this is completely psychosomatic, but when I look in the mirror I actually do feel slimmer already. It might be mind over matter – I think that I look better because right now I am feeling much more positive and believing that this time I am actually going to stick to the diet right through till I get to the weight I want to be. I think that in the last few years of my yoyo dieting, I haven’t gotten under 11st7. Considering I used to hit the diet when I got up to 10st 7 its not so good. I keep thinking ‘when will I be able to wear size 14 trousers again, but I have to remember that even when I was 10 and a half stones I was often into a 14! Don’t think any diet in the world is going to stop me being pear shaped! January is nearly over already, just one more WI this month. How good it would be to say that I lost 9lbs this month! I know, I am getting carried away with myself, and it is always when I get most confident that I come crashing down! But truly, I have been sticking to points with no wee treats, and I suppose this is how it works..it really does work if you stick to it!

Another 3lbs off!

Weigh in day again! Was a fast week this one! Well, don’t know how I managed to get away with it, given the amount of rubbish that I shoved down my throat at the weekend, but that’s another 3lbs off, taking me down to 12st 9lbs, and just 2lbs off my target of 12st7 which I had given myself until Valentine’s to achieve. I need, need, need, to be really good this week, as I’m sure that given the slightest opportunity the treats from the weekend will show up in next weeks WI! Trying not to get too excited, but it looks possible that I could achieve 12st7lbs next Monday. That would be amazing, and a loss of 8lbs in just three weeks. IF I do it! I did have a bit of an excuse this weekend, it was Paul’s birthday, and we really did have one of the best weekends in a long, long time. DVD, Cava and popcorn on Friday! (Deathproof, incredibly self indulgent Tarantino film, think his star may be on the wane, it has nothing on the likes of Kill Bill or Pulp Fiction. But it was amusing enough to sit and munch popcorn too! The whole house smelled of the cinema! Went shopping during the day on Saturday to pick up Paul’s presents, then changed and out to dinner at the Chippy Down the Lane! Gorgeous place, but really disappointing veggie option of gunky spring rolls, deep fried! Chips were fab though, as was the wine, followed by a massive frozen Margarita in TGIs and then Sweeney Todd at the cinema (with ice cream, pick and mix and smuggled in vodka! Bit hungover on the Sunday, but still a good day, lunch with Paul’s parents in the Kirkie puffer and cava and cake at home, before Paul went out for a couple of hours and I chilled out before he returned and we had a music quiz! No housework done though! Need to get stuck in again this evening. But yeah…really,really did enjoy the weekend. Think we need to do something like that at least once a month. If the diet can handle it that is! We shall see! Just heading off to lunch in a minute, need to decide between a baked potato and one of those Scottish slimmers sandwiches which are a bit rubbish, but filling! No idea what to have for dinner this evening…. Think maybe some Quorn sausages, but not sure what with! In fact def quorn sausages, can probably have three for hardly any points! Maybe do a hot pot, mm!

Gah! Work has been so (unususally) busy this week that I haven’t had a chance to update the blog with the results of my first WI! Well, I managed to get down to 12st 12lbs, which was a drop of 3lbs. I’d ordinarily be pretty chuffed with this, but annoyingly, I had succumned to a ‘sneak peek’ at the scales on Saturday morning, which had me in lighter than this, and so I was expecting a bit more. But in general I’m pleased. A loss is a loss, and WW only tell you to expect 1-2lbs a week, so by any standards, 3lbs is good. Means I drop down into ‘the 12s’ (thank goodness, hated being 13 stones!) The first mini goal that I set myself was to get to 12st 7, and I was hoping to do this by Valentines Day. That was me giving myself plenty of time, I’m really hoping now to lose 4lbs over the next couple of weeks and hit 12st 7 around the start of Feb. Part of me wants to plan out what all my next targets will be, but the rest of me just wants to aim for 12st 7 and then take stock again. I think that’s the best way. In an absolutely ideal world, I would be at goal weight of 10stones (or possibly a bit under) by my birthday at the end of August I keep thinking that I would actually like to get to 9stones, but that seems so light. I think I’ll wait to see how I look and feel at 10 first. I keep thinking back to when I was last at that weight, and it was when I met Martin, and although I was quite comfortable with my body then, I certainly didn’t feel skinny! But it’ll be different this time, I’m in a totally different place, and not with someone who will tell me I’m fat just to make himself feel a bit more ‘in control’. Or whatever it was for him!

Anyway, my big worry this week is Paul’s birthday, I know its going to be hard not to eat, drink and be merry with him. And I’ve got nights out the next two weekends in a row, both without him, annoyingly! My poor boy! But the hardest thing is going to be keeping within points at these nights out. Just have to be strong and alternate drinks with water. And read this before I go out. The feeling of seeing the display on the scales drop is way better than the feeling of going out drinking and eating . (it just doesn’t feel like that in the euphoria that follows two large glasses of wine and half a dozen vodkas!

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
So close to getting on the scales this morning to see if there was any difference!
Must be strong...tis a no win situation - if I look and have lost weight, I will relax and start succumbing to foodie temptation. If I have gained or not lost at all, I will be so distraught that I will comfort eat!

Off to school Maguire tonight, hoping to start some trot work which will probably have both of us getting into that raised heartbeat zone!

Monday can't come soon enough...I am desperate to get online and adjust my weight stats (please, please, let me be adjusting them downwards!) I do have a fear that I ate so much at Christmas that I am still going to gain weight this week even though I really have been very good! I keep thinking of going on holiday this year and feeling confident on the beach! I actually felt OK last year, as I did lose a good chunk of weight before we went, but its all back on. Bah!

Some more on resolution number 1..lose the 3 stones that are making me feel fat and miserable!
I set out to do this last year. I think I lost the same stone and a bit about 3 times. I ended up the exact same weight this January as I was last January. I start really well, and then I have a week where I binge a bit and still lose weight..then I think 'ooh, I can do that again', and of course it never works twice. I put weight on, or have a 'stay the same' week. I get angry and bored and think 'well if its not working then I may as well eat what I like'. And there you go. I started the online weightwatchers plan again on Monday the 7th of January. I weigh 13stones and 1lb. My first weigh in is going to be next Monday. I can't wait. I'm trying to be really strict with myself and to really follow the diet (as much as I can, its actually not a set diet plan, but a 'points' regime where you have an allocation of points each day and choose how to fill it.)

There are some photos of me this Christmas that I'm going to put up here, (the equivalent of the fat picture on the fridge door!) and then I think I'll have one taken in the same outfit every month. It might help me see a difference.

So..13stone 1lb...first mini goal is to be 12stone 7lbs for Valentines Day. Last year I planned on losing 2lb a week and just ended up dissappointed. This time I'm giving myself more achievable targets. Roll on Monday!

How do you write a first post without sounding utterly trite and cheesy? Its fine with some of the novelty blogs that I was just browsing through, and all the uber cool people who are so edgy that whatever they type sounds laidback and fresh and original! Can I really start my first post with 'These are my aims for 2008'? Eeek! But..erm..yeah. That's the point of this whole thing. I want somewhere to get all my muddled thoughts laid out and organised, firstly because I'll forget them if I don't, secondly because once they are down here they are 'more real' and thirdly, like I said in the other section, I do want to be able to come back to this next year and see what I have achieved. I think the fear of looking back in a year's time and not having really established these changes in my life will spur me on. I don't want to be back here saying 'ah well, I messed up in 2008, but there's always 2009. This has to be my year. I'll be 29 this year. I don't want to turn 30 and still be such a dizzy, unorganised oaf! And I certainly don't want to be fat, spending another year feeling like a carthorse!

So...here are my New Year Resolutions..if you can call them that.

1. Lose 3 stones. I know, how painfully cliche. But I do need to lose this weight. I have lost so much confidence since putting this weight on. I was so self conscious at this year's Christmas parties, I didn't want to get up and dance and that is just not me. I felt the ugliest out of all my friends, who seem to be improving and growing into their selves as we grow up, while I feel like I peaked at 21 and have gone downhill all the way since! So..I have started Weightwatchers (again) with a vengeance this time, and I think a lot of this blog is going to be about the diet. Its the centre of everything. If I feel good about how I look other things will change too. I know it.

2. NO more debt, and make significant inroads into paying off my credit card balance. Its so big that I can't even write it here! Or can I? The whole point of this year and this blog is to get honest with myself. Right. Its just under £6k. And I have a personal loan as well, but not so bothered about that, as its fixed and I know when it will be gone. My Mum has custody of my credit card, so just need to rip up the cheques that the hateful bank have sent to me. Every time I reach my credit card limit they up it by at least a grand. They want me in hock to them for the rest of my life. Well its not happening.

3. Keep a tidy, clean house. I know, I know. A clean house is a wasted life..spend time having fun, not tidying up. Well, I have been, and its made me miserable. Getting up in the morning knowing you have no fresh clothes ready for work. Eating stodgy takeaway AGAIN because you are too lazy to cook. Going into an utterly wasted junkyard of a spare room. It all depresses me. I spend forever cleaning up and it never really works because I have no routine. So this month, January, is for getting sorted out. I'm skint anyway, so may as well stay in and get the place in order. And lets see if I can keep it that way.

4. Ride Mags at least twice a week and get us both working nicely in walk, trot and canter. Mags is the horse that I get to help out with. His owner has two horses and Mags was semi retired before I came along. He's not fit, and I've had a tough time getting to know him, but this year I want us to really make some progress. By this time next year I want to feel a much better rider, and I want Mags to be muscly and fit.

5. Be organised with my money. Need I say anymore?! I am the Queen of bank charges.

6. Make more of an effort to keep in proper contact with my friends, especially with Leanne and Lisa. And just as much with the girls who are close by. I know I'd need them if something went wrong...I just feel that its getting harder for me to find common ground with some of them. I have nothing to contribute to some of their conversations, and I don't know if its because I am not interested, or because I haven't made the effort to know what is happening in their lives.

7. Make sure that Paul and I go on holiday this summer. Its been too long. We need a break in a totally different environment to really chill out and recharge our batteries.


So that's it...reading them all makes it hit home how completely run of the mill and ordinary they sound. But these are the things that would make big changes in my life. Writing them down has made me feel positive, and kind of raring to go with the whole year. I don't want to wish it away, but I know it will go so quickly, and I am already thinking how good it will be if I can just come back and mark off each of these and say 'I did that'. Fingers crossed.
xxx