I should feel great, but I feel awful!
3lbs off this morning (and actually, the scale flickered in the 11s before settling on 12stones!!)
But I have a horrible, sickly migraine, triggered by alcohol again this time (been nearly 6 months since that last happened) It started slowly, but by noon yesterday I was throwing up, and by evening I was shaking on the sofa and having to practically crawl upstairs. Hardly slept last night, and my head is still pounding, and the sick feeling is there in my stomach so I am scared to eat, and don't really have any appetite anyway. Annoying, as this is just the kind of thing that I can see messing my diet up, as soon as I start eating again I'll see a gain and it will put me off my stride!

But yeah..I genuinely am feeling lighter and slimmer, and I know that other people don't really notice it yet, as I'm quite tall, but I know I have lost inches as well as weight. My size 16 trousers are hanging off me, and I don't think I'm quite a 14 yet, but I am well on the way. Considering I was busting out of a 16 just at Christmas, its a big change. This is around the time when I have always slipped up before, as now that I am feeling a bit better about myself I get lax. Think I look OK, and start giving myself more treats. This time though, I think that there is a genuine change in my attitude, and I am beginning to stop viewing food as something that is essential to having a good time. Last Saturday I bought a bag of chip shop chips when waiting for my taxi home from town, and they were horrible, so I didn't eat them. I know that in December I'd have finished the bag regardless of what they tasted like, so that was a real victory for me. When I think now about going to the canteen and buying a pastie, bag of crisps and bar of chocolate for lunch, I feel bad, not good! I think what a waste, and why would I want to eat that rubbish when it is just going to make me feel bad the second I finish it. Also, this Friday I cooked a pizza that I KNEW I didn't want or need, but I had promised myself this pizza, and was determined to have it. Managed two slices, this is sooo unlike me! Am I really changing my eating habits? It feels like it. And I know that I want to stick with this diet, because I want to be buying all the nice summer clothes that were close last year, but that I let slip away!

Next main goals are to get my 10% , which is 11st11lbs, so only 3lbs away - def doable in two weeks, if not one. And to get to 11st7, which will give me a BMI of 25 and mean that I am actually in the healthy weight zone again!

I've joined a challenge on the 3+ WW board, that asks us to focus on water and excersize - def the areas of my life that are not yet properly WW compliant! Water won't be too difficult, but excersize will be. My only excersize comes from walking the dog and riding the horse! Think I will buy one of those little trampolines and try to get on it for at least 15 minutes a day!

So..another week starts...wonder if I will be able to confidently post that I am in the 11s next week! Do hope so! But if not, then I'll get there the week after. Just need to really stick to it this time! Being in the 11s is a big psychological thing for me, as I am only one stone band above getting back to my average weight when I was around 22, which was anything between 10st and 10st10. I just can't wait to be able to go shopping for trousers and tops and be able to fit into the ones I want! Promised myself a pair of beige flared cords and gorgeous strappy vest when I hit goal!

Argh! Feeling annoyed with myself that I have ignored the blog for a fortnight! The good news is that its not because I have been 'off plan'...I just haven't had the chance! I kind of feel that even though I started the blog to be about my whole life, its helping me more to treat it as just one to document my weightloss. I'm still trying with the other stuff, but my main focus in life just now is getting rid of this weight. I was thinking today about how good it is going to feel when I am back to the weight I was when I started uni, when I could go buy any pair of size 12 trousers and know that they would fit. There are dreams in my head of hitting a size 10, but I don't know about that. I'm not petite or fine boned, I have big hips and always will, and I think finally I am starting to accept my bodyshape. My target weight is set at 10stones, but once I get there I will reassess where I am and see if I think its worth pushing on for 9st 7lbs. I keep remembering that at one time I was deeply unhappy being 10st7, but I gained nearly another 3stones on top of that. I just don't know now if I have ever in my life had a true image of my body, and the only thing that scares me is that I get to this target weight and still feel unhappy. I really hope that doesn't happen.


Anyway..I am now officially down to 12st3lbs, and am hoping, hoping, hoping, to get my first stone off and be 12st1 on Monday, and into the 11s the Monday after that. I know its quite a big ask, but I feel that I can achieve it. I'm still motivated, and I have lost a lot of my cravings for things like chip shop chips and even my beloved pizzas. Its like its finally hit me that these things are just holding me back from what I want. I had a Dominos pizza the other week, and it was delicious, but I am out of that routine of having to have one every Friday, I want to get to a place where they are a yummy treat just when I feel like them. I am also learning how to have a fun night in without needing to buy two packs of Kettle Chips, a tub of houmous and a bag of jam doughnuts! I was eating way too much before, and am enjoying our 'cinema evenings' just as much with popcorn and cava as I was with Ben & Jerrys and mountains of crisps!

Me and my menagerie!

First off, the horsey stuff! The pony in my signature photo, Boo, is not actually mine, she belongs to a friend, but she is probably my favourite pony in the whole world. Boo is special, and gave me my confidence back when it was at its lowest. Right now I have a kind of share agreement on a gorgeous horse called Maguire, a 16.2hh IDxTB. His owner has two horses, and Mags had been semi retired (though only 12) after being diagnosed with arthritis of the fetlocks. His lovely owner lets me treat him almost like my own (though of course he is still her baby!) and I am trying to get him fit again with the big aim of competing in maybe a Tack and Turnout or Riding Club horse class at a summer show. Check out that fuzzy forelock!! lol!

I also have a gorgeous, gorgeous puppy called Rufus. He is a miniature schnauzer and really is my baby, he's 6 months old. I haven't got any photos of him right now, as am on my work computer, but shall post some!

Then there's Freya the cat! She was a stray who we took in, and is the sweetest, most feisty girl ever!

And last but not least, my ratties! The girls, Caramel, Ruby and Molly, and the boys George and Huxley. The boys were rescues from a lab at Stirling University - it was closing down and all the animals were being destroyed. So glad we got them out of their little prisons - tiny cages where they couldn't even stand up properly! They are very lazy and nowhere near as agile and active as the girls, but they are happy chappies!

Had a weird WI yesterday - I had jumped on the scales on Sunday morning and was 12st6, but on Monday morning the scales weren't playing and had me at 12st8, 12st7 and 12st2 respectively!! So went with the highest figure, which was still a loss, but I was a bit dissappointed. The good people of the WW 3+ board managed to cheer me up, and last night and this morning I jumped on the scales and was 12st6 again, so think it must have been some kind of weird glitch with either my body or the scales! Not changing any of my stats, as I think WI day has to be sacrosanct! It means I'm hoping for a good 2-3lb loss again next Monday. I bought a stack of WW chilled ready meals. They're not the best to be honest (think I am one of those people who would rather have a small portion of the fatty stuff than a big portion of the low fat stuff!) but are so low in points and easy to do for dinner that eating this week should be a breeze.

Also, I got my first comment on this blog! Thank you Karaoke Queen! It is so good to feel that we can all find out a little bit more about each other and give support through the blogs as well as the message board. Karaoke Queen was asking about my animals, now, I don't need any excuse to hold forth on my babies, so I'll just do a picture post!

It’s been a good week so far! Always scared that I jinx the weekend, or get too laxadaisical if I do this, but I hopped on the scales this morning and they showed me at slightly under 12st 7lbs! Squeeeeeeeeee!!! That is 2lbs off since Thursday, which seems an awful lot. I am totally prepared for it to go up again by Monday, but oh, just imagine how good it would be if it kept coming down! If I got another 3lb week! I don’t know if this is completely psychosomatic, but when I look in the mirror I actually do feel slimmer already. It might be mind over matter – I think that I look better because right now I am feeling much more positive and believing that this time I am actually going to stick to the diet right through till I get to the weight I want to be. I think that in the last few years of my yoyo dieting, I haven’t gotten under 11st7. Considering I used to hit the diet when I got up to 10st 7 its not so good. I keep thinking ‘when will I be able to wear size 14 trousers again, but I have to remember that even when I was 10 and a half stones I was often into a 14! Don’t think any diet in the world is going to stop me being pear shaped! January is nearly over already, just one more WI this month. How good it would be to say that I lost 9lbs this month! I know, I am getting carried away with myself, and it is always when I get most confident that I come crashing down! But truly, I have been sticking to points with no wee treats, and I suppose this is how it works..it really does work if you stick to it!

Another 3lbs off!

Weigh in day again! Was a fast week this one! Well, don’t know how I managed to get away with it, given the amount of rubbish that I shoved down my throat at the weekend, but that’s another 3lbs off, taking me down to 12st 9lbs, and just 2lbs off my target of 12st7 which I had given myself until Valentine’s to achieve. I need, need, need, to be really good this week, as I’m sure that given the slightest opportunity the treats from the weekend will show up in next weeks WI! Trying not to get too excited, but it looks possible that I could achieve 12st7lbs next Monday. That would be amazing, and a loss of 8lbs in just three weeks. IF I do it! I did have a bit of an excuse this weekend, it was Paul’s birthday, and we really did have one of the best weekends in a long, long time. DVD, Cava and popcorn on Friday! (Deathproof, incredibly self indulgent Tarantino film, think his star may be on the wane, it has nothing on the likes of Kill Bill or Pulp Fiction. But it was amusing enough to sit and munch popcorn too! The whole house smelled of the cinema! Went shopping during the day on Saturday to pick up Paul’s presents, then changed and out to dinner at the Chippy Down the Lane! Gorgeous place, but really disappointing veggie option of gunky spring rolls, deep fried! Chips were fab though, as was the wine, followed by a massive frozen Margarita in TGIs and then Sweeney Todd at the cinema (with ice cream, pick and mix and smuggled in vodka! Bit hungover on the Sunday, but still a good day, lunch with Paul’s parents in the Kirkie puffer and cava and cake at home, before Paul went out for a couple of hours and I chilled out before he returned and we had a music quiz! No housework done though! Need to get stuck in again this evening. But yeah…really,really did enjoy the weekend. Think we need to do something like that at least once a month. If the diet can handle it that is! We shall see! Just heading off to lunch in a minute, need to decide between a baked potato and one of those Scottish slimmers sandwiches which are a bit rubbish, but filling! No idea what to have for dinner this evening…. Think maybe some Quorn sausages, but not sure what with! In fact def quorn sausages, can probably have three for hardly any points! Maybe do a hot pot, mm!

Gah! Work has been so (unususally) busy this week that I haven’t had a chance to update the blog with the results of my first WI! Well, I managed to get down to 12st 12lbs, which was a drop of 3lbs. I’d ordinarily be pretty chuffed with this, but annoyingly, I had succumned to a ‘sneak peek’ at the scales on Saturday morning, which had me in lighter than this, and so I was expecting a bit more. But in general I’m pleased. A loss is a loss, and WW only tell you to expect 1-2lbs a week, so by any standards, 3lbs is good. Means I drop down into ‘the 12s’ (thank goodness, hated being 13 stones!) The first mini goal that I set myself was to get to 12st 7, and I was hoping to do this by Valentines Day. That was me giving myself plenty of time, I’m really hoping now to lose 4lbs over the next couple of weeks and hit 12st 7 around the start of Feb. Part of me wants to plan out what all my next targets will be, but the rest of me just wants to aim for 12st 7 and then take stock again. I think that’s the best way. In an absolutely ideal world, I would be at goal weight of 10stones (or possibly a bit under) by my birthday at the end of August I keep thinking that I would actually like to get to 9stones, but that seems so light. I think I’ll wait to see how I look and feel at 10 first. I keep thinking back to when I was last at that weight, and it was when I met Martin, and although I was quite comfortable with my body then, I certainly didn’t feel skinny! But it’ll be different this time, I’m in a totally different place, and not with someone who will tell me I’m fat just to make himself feel a bit more ‘in control’. Or whatever it was for him!

Anyway, my big worry this week is Paul’s birthday, I know its going to be hard not to eat, drink and be merry with him. And I’ve got nights out the next two weekends in a row, both without him, annoyingly! My poor boy! But the hardest thing is going to be keeping within points at these nights out. Just have to be strong and alternate drinks with water. And read this before I go out. The feeling of seeing the display on the scales drop is way better than the feeling of going out drinking and eating . (it just doesn’t feel like that in the euphoria that follows two large glasses of wine and half a dozen vodkas!