I just realised that I have only 6lbs to lose before I have a total loss of 2 stones!
I don't think I have ever managed anything like that before. Sometimes I feel I have let myself down a bit, as the weightloss has slowed down so much in the last month, but this feels good!

So..my maths is rubbish, but I think that I have been 'on plan' (well..more like 'off and on plan') for 14 weeks. Total loss so far of 21lbs, so that is still an average of about a pound and a half a week! *chuffed!* *tries to forget fact that majority still came off in first 6 weeks!)

I read back about when I was longing to get into the 11s and how excited I was about it..now I have that feeling for the 10s! Just need to get on the right side of the 11st7 mark this Monday, and I know I'm on the way. Once I am actually in the 10s, nothing is going to stop me from hitting goal!

Goals..dreams....hopes!

Today - 11st 8lbs


Berlin, June 2008 - 10st10lbs
My 29th Birthday, August 2008 - 10stones
Lisa's wedding, November 2008 - 9st10lbs
Christmas 2008 - 9st7lbs

The holiday push starts here!

March has been pretty pathetic diet wise...I've hovered between 11st10 and 11st 8 for most of the month, and I've no-one to blame but myself - I've had 3 Domino's pizzas this month, the last of which on Saturday night I didn't even want or enjoy, and bought purely because 'come Monday the big holiday push is beginning'! Old habits..bleeurgh! Then on Sunday I had a massive dinner, with chocolate pudding and lemoncello icecream to follow. Oh I am such a gorb! But that's me back on track. I think I had a wee wobble and worried that I was going to mess up again - either gain or stall completely on the plan just exactly like I always do! I'm not letting that happen. Not this time. The blog actually came into play - I started to think about how truly awful it would feel to get to next January and to read back and realise that I hadn't lost anything and that I had wasted another year losing then gaining, losing then gaining a bit more! No way is that happening. I will get to goal. I suppose its just easy to get a bit downhearted as I know that when I started back in January, as much as I tried not to think of this grand plan where 2lbs a week fell off me, I couldn't help it, and I had visions of being at my goal weight for the first week in June. I've got 22lbs to go, so that's not going to happen now! But I can still do it for my birthday, and hey, if I don't, I will certainly do it for Christmas. I'll have a slim Christmas this year, and I'll be picking the funkiest outfit ever to wear on the big day! Whatever else happens, in 2008 I am going to get to goal. It just feels so hard sometimes- life gets in the way! I was out with some old uni friends on Friday, and I abandoned plan completely, but it felt fantastic to eat and drink what I wanted and not what I was supposed to. I had pints of cider, vegetable nachos with loads of cheese, and a massive chocolate cookie! Oh and a wee bottle of Corona with a lime sticking out the top at home - the taste of summer! Surely its on the way..Spring at least! But..umm..yeah...I don't feel too bad about the weekend, because I didn't actually gain, I had been good Monday to Thursday, and that felt great, as made me feel that when I get to goal there will still be times when I can do that kind of thing, go out with friends and not think about the diet. It'll just be an occasional thing, not something that has to happen every week! I think its also starting to feel like the year is running away. I know its only April, but I also know that once I go on summer holiday in June, which is under 8 weeks away, time will really fly and before I know it my birthday will arrive, and after that its practically winter again and everyone starts looking forwards to Christmas! I mean it doesn't really seem that long since I spent the everlasting day at Gatwick, waiting to fly out to Italy with everyone. It felt so good to get on holiday again, such a shame Gran wasn't really well for so much of it. But yeah..that day in Gatwick felt so summery, even though the Scottish weather meant that we didn't get much sun at all I still had a sense of a definite brighter season! And my point is that it doesn't seem that long ago! Here's another thing..we have a girl's Christmas dinner every year, in the week between Christmas and New Year. Its always great. (food wasn't so good this year though - wee Turkish place, fab starters, rubbish main course!) Anyway..we had a wee moment to say what we wanted to achieve this year. Its always a weird feeling, when you have a whole new block of time in front of you, and you can kind of write off the mistakes of the past, as you're starting afresh. I said I wanted to lose 3 stones. Everyone laughed..I don't think for a second that anyone imagines I will lose 3 stones. But I will. This years dinner, I'll sit there and be all skinny and may even have lost 3 and a half stones!
Right...enough..I must do some work!

Gaaaaah, I have neglected the blog for ages!
Not that anyone is actually reading it...I am thinking now of switching this over onto maybe the multiply sites, as that seems to be where the other 3+ bloggers all hang out! And it would be nice to feel part of a weight loss community! But still..the real point of the blog is just for me, to track how far I come and to look back at come this Christmas, hopefully with a real sense of achievement.
So..can't remember if I posted this already, but holiday is now booked!
We are off to Berlin on the 4th of June for a week, and I really can't wait. Its going to be fantastic. Just trying hard to set a goal weight for the week. I know that I would like it to be 10st 7lbs, which is just over a stone, but I'm still wary of setting that goal, as when I'm working on a target more than half a stone away, I seem to be a bit rubbish! Soo..next goal is 11st. I weighed in yesterday at 11st8, which was just fantastic, as it brought me into the healthy BMI range! Woop! Saying that, I ate like a demon all weekend and all yesterday, so I do know that had I weighed in this morning, I probably would have been a couple of pounds heavier! For once I didn't bounce straight onto the scale - I don't want to see the damage that has been done! My plan is to stick absolutely to plan all week and all through the weekend, and then hopefully I will either get an STS or a loss. My goal was to get to 11st7lb for Easter, I then revised that to by the end of March, so if I could get a wee pound off this week it would be really fab. Then goal after that is 11st. Not sure yet when I am aiming to get there for. Certainly by the end of April.

It dawned on me this weekend that I am now halfway through my weight loss journey - one and a half stones off, one and a half to go. It hasn't been so difficult, not really. I've managed a few takeaways and nights out, I've never had a week without a glass or two of wine. Its proven to me that I can live like this, and that I will keep the weight off this time. I'm now the lightest I've been since around Christmas 2004 - can't believe 4 years have gone past of me being unhappy with my body - but really, who am I kidding, I don't know when I have ever been happy with my body. I hated it at camp, but all I am hoping for just now is to comfortably fit into the shorts I wore then! I hated it at uni, but if I ever get into my grey flares again I will feel tiny! And maybe this time I will be happy with myself. Maybe I'll believe I'm not fat! This is a dangerous time for me really, as I'm heading into weights and clothes sizes that I have not been comfortable in for so long, there is a temptation to say 'OK, that's me, I am a natural size 14 and a size 14 I will stay. But no..I want to be a 10, I really, really want to be a 10! I can't help it. I want to be able to buy all the clothes that I see and like, without worrying about looking stupid in them, or not fitting into them. I want to look good in my riding clothes..so many wee things!
Well..just about to have lunch, so will leave it there.
Oh..one last thing..seriously contemplating joining the gym. I never thought gyms were for me, I mocked them and said I could get as much excercise as I needed walking, cycling and riding! But I'm really feeling now that I would enjoy the routine, and more so, I would enjoy the pool and spa! So thinking about it..very expensive though!

Well, as of Monday WI, I was IN THE 11s!!!
My loss is slowing down a wee bit now, but I have promised myself that never, ever again will I step on a scale and see 12 anything. Its downwards from here, all the way! And that actually helps me a lot..even if this takes longer than I might want it to, even if I don't lose 2lbs every single week, I never going back. I will never be in the 12s again, let alone in the 13s. I've set a target of being 11st 7 for Easter Sunday, when we are going to visit Paul's parent's for dinner, and will aim hard for that (5.5lbs in three weeks, so at top end of possible loss), but if I don't make it, then the target is to be there for the WI the week after. So no matter what, by the end of March I am going to weigh 11st7 or just under. I AM!!!

Got my first pair of size 14 jeans at the weekend!
I felt really fantastic when I tried them on. I know that a lot of it is down to them being a lovely soft, quite stretchy material, and being a flattering cut, but they are still a size 14, and I cannot remember the last pair of size 14 trousers that I bought! But I can certainly remember buying size 16s and them still not fitting!

We have now booked a weeks holiday in Berlin in early June, and I haven't picked a target weight for then yet..will wait to a little closer to the time, and then set that mini goal. I love the thought of going on holiday with all nice new clothes, and being able to go shopping over there for new stuff! And just feeling confident..getting photos taken and feeling good in them!

Ate over points on Monday, but trying to claw it back, and my SP this morning had me at just under 11st 12lbs, so the weight does seem to be coming off. To keep on target for my Easter goal, I'd like to be 11st10 on Monday (this would also be my 10%) so am planning to get in plenty excercise and really try to rein myself in over the weekend! But to get there is a 2.5lb loss, so we'll see! If I even just get 2lbs off I will be chuffed!

Not been such a good week. I didn't stick to the diet very well over last weekend, but to be honest, I still expected a wee loss, and to be able to proclaim that I am 'in the 11s'. But no...the scales on Monday morning actually showed a half pound gain. It killed me upping my stats on the WW board, and ruining my nice line of losses on my charts. I've been completely 'on plan' so far this week, and jumped on the scales yesterday morning to see that I was showing at 12st1! This really hurt my confidence in the whole diet, I just couldn't understand it, and it reminded me how destructive these sneaky peeks can be. They've only worked well for me so far because they have always shown a loss that stayed! But me being me, I got on again this morning and was into the 11s! But I was there last week too, so am staying very focused and hoping for a 2lb loss this week. A dream loss would be 3.5, as this would take me to my 10%, but I don't really expect that.

Pschologically, I just can't wait to be in the 11s. I just read back on my blog, and made myeslf remember that I have already lost a whole stone, and that this is a great achievement, regardless of the fact that I have another two to go. I just really feel that I can get down through the 11s quite quickly if I can just get into them properly! I'll feel so motivated.

I was going to try the Wendie plan this week, but decided I would have a week of really sticking to normal points first, and if that didn't work then try Wendie. So I could still be doing it this time next week if I don't see a good result on the scales.
Hoping to get our summer holiday booked this weekend - a real incentive to lose the weight! I am already nearly at the weight I got to for July last year, which just shows that this really works if I just give it a proper go. Can't wait to buy new clothes. Someone on WW posted that their big dream was to buy Topshop size 10 jeans and vest! Don't think that's going to happen for me, not the jeans anyway! I've accepted my shape now, and I'm always going to have big hips! But do plan to get back to a 10 for tops, and to do it asap! If I go to Italy with Mum in September then I want to be able to buy myself lots of lovely summer skirts and dresses!

I woke up this morning and felt 'light'! I know, weird, but I rushed off down to the scales (I can't help it, I admit it, I am on the scales every morning!) and I WAS IN THE 11s!!! Can't believe it. Felt amazing. I do know that these little peeks on the scales can lie, but I have been doing this every day since about the middle of week 2, and generally the loss has stayed. But even if it doesn't, just seeing that weight was so fantastic and made me believe that this time the diet really is working.

Annoyingly its a week til payday and I am overdrawn, with a friend's birthday at the weekend! But have a dress to return to Miss Selfridge tonight, so that will tide me over. Ashamed to admit that while the diet is going well, I haven't quite sorted out the finances and general day to day organisation! But I don't feel too bad about that...one thing at a time, and I know that losing the weight will lift my confidence and help me get other things sorted out too.

It is almost seeming too easy..like this is all going to come crashing down, and I'll have a big gain, or I'll get stuck on a weight or something. But I know that this time I am tracking points properly and I am even getting a bit of excersize. NO reason why it should stop! I am almost scared that it is happening, as much as I am pleased it is happening. If I get slim then I'm not the same person almost...the worries that I've had for the last 5 years will be gone. What will I do then! What if I'm still not happy with myself? Can't think like that...this time when I get slim I will trust the scales and the size in my clothes and will understand that I am not fat and will endeavour to be happy with my body!